Who am I? that have been pretending all the time
Who am I? that have been cheating the world with such a smile out of joyfulness inside? Indeed life is about the truthfulness. Life…..o, life that no one knows what actually is being fighting for, or what will be gather to the end of time. And I have been dishonest to it. I have held such many things behind, unrevealed things, covers above the covers. And they have become an extreme thick layer guarding the most fragile element in me.
Not much. Not so many of those who really aware of what is supposed to be. I only know, that is impossible for someone to choose when and where s/he wants to be born. The birth is without any option. It’s absolute. Neither my father or mother never asked me whether I wanted to be born or not, or asked me what I want to be looked like. But that’s not their fault at all. So I was born just as that, without any option.
I have felt of my dishonest behaviour since I was very young and I so much so experienced it. I used to want to be someone else, and it changed from time to time, trying to find the more proper figure what or who I want to be. And now I fear with myself that I am. Or I can say, barely hate it. I want to run from myself, from all these stupidity and fool and clever less. I’m dreaming of becoming Samuel Beckett, or Charlie Chaplin, or the lovely girl full of laugh so her friends said she is an agent of positive energy, or the amazing woman who give away her life to help others and the poorer. The fact is, I’m not more than a selfish.
O, mask…..will you covering me all the time? Now the fake becomes long lasting. I have no idea at all, when you’ll free me, or perhaps it’s me to persist you another longer, a hundred of solitude.
